Things Get Worse

They always can and often it seems they do. I feel like I really hit a low point in my life yesterday. Will and I broke up. And it was nasty. And unfortunate. And I'm hoping that we will be able to be civil to each other in the time that we are both still primarily residing in that apartment. I left after the fight yesterday and haven't gone back. But as long as I have to be paying for the place I do feel that I should take advantage of its convenient location to the Gold Line. I also don't want to over burden my relatives by moving in early when they're not quite ready for me. :-/ Really tough, shitty times. I am sad that things in LA didn't turn out the way that I had hoped. I remember waking up with Will on June 15, 2008, the day we were supposed to decide if he was going to move with me or not, and having him kiss me and whisper in my ear, "I think we'll be happy in LA." Such hope, such optimism. And I wish I didn't have that nostalgic, dwelling mentality where I just can't forget the little things like that. Or like on our official one month dating anniversary, September 2, 2008 as we sat in the delicious restaurant Roy's Hawaiian Cuisine in Pasadena, both buzzed and blissful, when he said to me, "Welcome to your new life." If only it had stayed that way. Why can't I escape these thoughts? I was unfortunately not blessed with the ability to easily forget. My meticulous memory, both a blessing and a curse.

Something New

I guess I'm starting this new blog for personal thoughts...and something new for my new life I suppose. I'm getting a little tired of having new lives at this point though, I used to love security & stability, but I guess those things also got old and drove me away from my old life. I don't know.
I'll be living with relatives this fall. They are awesome. Pretty cool people, and I'm happy they have taken me in like a daughter, and now I have a new quasi sister, Michele, who is in high school but super fun to hang out with and we're close :)
Anyway, I don't know who I'll even end up sharing this with, or if it's even practical to be doing this since I have another blog that I should really update more often. But I want that one to focus mostly on my grad school experiences and how I want people to see my life. This one will be for me, and how I see my life I guess.
I'm sick of doing what's practical anyway, and I need to stop taking the path of least resistance. I'm ready to follow my heart now, wherever that may take me.